A Few Questions For You To Ponder...

1. A murderer is condemned to death. He has to choose between three rooms. The first is full of raging fires, the second is full of assassins with loaded guns, and the third is full of lions that haven't eaten in 3 years. Which room is safest for him?

2. A woman shoots her husband. Then she holds him under water for over 5 minutes. Finally, she hangs him. But 5 minutes later they both go out together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together. How can this be?

3. What is black when you buy it, red when you use it, and gray when you throw it away?

4. Can you name three consecutive days without using the words Wednesday, Friday, or Sunday?

5. This is an unusual paragraph. I'm curious as to just how quickly you can find out what is so unusual about it. It looks so ordinary and plain that you would think nothing was wrong with it. In fact, nothing is wrong with it! It is highly unusual though. Study it and think about it, but you still may not find anything odd. But if you work at it a bit, you might find out. Try to do so without any coaching!

Child Support Woes...

Beat It!

Here's a few fantastic drummers to amaze you...





Enjoy!

Attack of the Killer...Apples?

I thought this was so awesome it needed to be shared.

The synchronization with the music and the action is fantastic!

Enjoy!

A Homeless Man's Funeral

(Found on Facebook)

As a bagpiper, I play many gigs.
Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service
for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be
at a pauper's cemetery in the Kentucky back country.

As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical
male, I didn't stop for directions.
I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone
and the hearse was nowhere in sight.
There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch. I felt
badly and apologized to the men for being late.
I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was
already in place.

I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play. The workers put down
their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for
this man with no family and friends. I played like I've never played
before for this homeless man. And as I played 'Amazing Grace,' the workers
began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together.

When I finished I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my
head hung low, my heart was full. As I opened the door to my car, I heard
one of the workers say, "I never seen nothin' like that before and I've
been putting in septic tanks for twenty years."

Apparently I'm still lost.
It's a man thing.

Potentially Interesting Websites

I got this list in an email in 2007. It's still funny so i thought I would dust it off and share it with you all...

Read each address of the website carefully. You will begin to giggle.

1. Who Represents is where you can find the name of the agent that represents any celebrity. Their Web site is www.whorepresents.com Who doesn't like presents?

2 . Experts Exchange is a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at www.expertsexchange.com Apparently they have since changed the site to www.Experts-Exchange.com LOL

3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at www.penisland.net I wonder where the word "Pen" came from, or vice versa.

4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at www.therapistfinder.com Not sure you'd want to actually be searching for the alternative.

5. There's the Italian Power Generator company, www.powergenitalia.com Apparently this company decided to change its URL. Still funny.

6. And don't forget the Mole Station Native Nursery in New South Wales www.molestationnursery.com This company has changed their URL too. No doubt as a result from this email. Find them now at www.molerivernursery.com

7. If you're looking for IP computer software, there's always www.ipanywhere.com This one might take some thinking. I'm guessing you might be marking your territory or have a bladder problem.

8. And the designers at Speed of Art await you at their wacky Web site, www.speedofart.com I have heard of the speed of light, or the speed of dark, but?

While researching this article I ran across this book of these, "Slurls". A term coined by the author as in, URL Slurs. So if you think these are funny you might enjoy this book. It might make a good book for the back of the toilet for those longs periods when there is not much else to do.

Enjoy!

Just Making It Up As I Go...

Have you ever just made up a term that sounded like it should be common, but isn't?

Occasionally I have a moment of weirdness, like the time I mentioned that someone was full of spasticity. I thought I was being clever and had come up with a new variation on a word, but when I looked it up I discovered that someone had already beat me to it. It's still a fun word to whip out on occasion though.

Here are two terms that I don't think are in common use, so I provide them here for your entertainment, and to increase your vocabulary if you'd like.

Reflective Name Calling - When someone calls you a name where it clearly applies to them instead.

I just made that one up today when a cousin of mine said someone called him retarded. If you think of most name calling this actually makes sense as a good description for that type of situation. So the next time someone calls you an asshole, just smile and think about it being reflective.

Kellering - Physically using your surrounding environment for navigational purposes.

This one has been in my arsenal for some time now. I came up with it one day when I was wondering if you could drive blind and just use the bumpy reflectors in the street to keep you within your lane.

This can also be the description of someone attempting to park their car while careening off of the cars parked on either side of the space they are trying to get into. As in, "He was kellering into that parking space".

If you have made up these sort of terms I'd love to hear what you have come up with. I think Dennis Miller used to do this kind of word-play and even wrote a book on them while he was doing Saturday Night Live.

One term I remember of his was Reignition, which was the act of trying to start a car that was already running.

Storm Troopers Searching, and Musicians Bitching

Here's a few funny pictures that came across my Facebook tonight...

Bitch Slapper

This picture made me chuckle today, so it just had to be brought over here for safe keeping in case I need a laugh again in the future...

Enjoy!